Update: The winner of Lauren Dane’s UNDERCOVER is Lori T! Congrats, Lori! Please email me at cynthia@cynthiaeden.com to claim your prize. And, Edie–thanks for visiting with us!
Today, I get to welcome an absolutely wonderful lady to the Bunch–Edie Ramer. I had the pleasure of first meeting Edie a few years ago when I stumbled across her group blog, MAGICAL MUSINGS. Love that blog–it is always positive and always has such great posts!
Edie has recently finaled in the American Title V Contest (yay, Edie!), and if you haven’t voted, please rush over and vote. The voting for the first round ends tomorrow. Also, I wanted to note that one person who comments on this post will receive a brand-spanking new copy of Lauren Dane’s UNDERCOVER. I’ll order the book from Amazon.com and you will have it in your hot little hands very soon.
Welcome, Edie! I am so glad that you came over to the Bunch today!
13 Female Courtship Gestures
Thanks to Cynthia and all the Bradford ladies for having me! Last June, Laura came to Green Bay for the WisRWA conference. I picked her up from the airport and drove her to the hotel. So besides Cindy, I have another connection with all of you. 
This is an exciting time for me. I’m a finalist with my book DEAD PEOPLE in Dorchester Publishing’s American Title V contest! The first round – which is our first lines – is on the Romantic Times website. Tomorrow is the last day of voting for this round, so I hope you’ll go over there and vote for your favorite.
While dropping contest flyers off at the library on Tuesday, I picked up The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease. A recent History Channel program on body language had piqued my interest in the subject. The book is so good, I’m going to buy it. I started reading it Tuesday night during commercials of The Mentalist (with yummy Simon Baker). That was funny, because one way Simon’s character solves cases is by reading people’s body language.
Since we’re romance writers, I thought I’d share the 13 most common female courtship gestures and signals, abbreviating the Peases’ explanations.
1. The Head Toss and Hair Flick
The authors say this is usually the first display a woman uses with a man she’s interested in. Even women with short hair do this. It’s a subtle way to show she cares how she looks to a man. It also exposes her armpit and allows her pheromones to “waft across to the target man.”
2. Wet Lips and Pouting, Mouth Slightly Open
This mimics the genital region, giving the appearance of sexual invitation.
3. Self-touching
“When a woman slowly and sensually strokes her thigh, neck, or throat it implies that, if a man plays his cards right, he may be able to touch her in these same ways. At the same time, her self-touch lets her imagine what it might feel like if the man was imitating the touch.”
4. The Limp Wrist
A submission signal to get attention. (Obviously our heroines don’t do this!)
5. Fondling a Cylindrical Object
A few phallic-shaped objects they mention are the stem of a wineglass, a dangling earring or a finger. The authors add, “Taking a ring off and on the finger can also be a mental representation of having sex.”
6. Exposed Wrists
“An interested woman will gradually expose the smooth, soft underside skin of her wrists to the potential male partner and will increase the rate she flashes her wrist as her interest grows. The wrist has long been considered one of the highly erotic areas of the female body…”
7. Sideways Glance Over Raised Shoulder
“The raised shoulder is self-mimicry of the rounded female breast. With partially drooped eyelids, the woman holds the man’s gaze just long enough for him to notice, then she quickly looks away.”
8. Rolling Hips
We’re drawing attention to our child-bearing hips. Rolling our hips is a “female courtship gesture that has been used for centuries in advertising to sell goods and services.”
9. The Pelvic Tilt
“Tilting the pelvis while standing highlights a woman’s ability to bear children successfully.”
10. Handbag in Close Proximity
This one made me think “Huh?” Apparently our purses are an extension of ourselves. If we place it closer to a man, we’re showing our acceptance. We can also fondle and caress it.
11. The Knee Point
“One leg is tucked under the other and points to the person she finds the most interesting.” This also “gives the opportunity for a fleeting exposure of the thighs.”
12. The Shoe Fondle
“Dangling the shoe on the end of the foot … has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out of the shoe. This action unsettles many men without them knowing what is happening.”
13. The Leg Twine
It draws men’s attentions to a woman’s legs, and the authors say men find this a woman’s most appealing sitting position. “Other leg signals … include crossing and uncrossing the legs slowly in front of the man and gently stroking the thighs with her hand, indicating a desire to be touched.”
I learned a few things from this list. When I was single, I probably unconsciously used them, but now I can have my characters do it, consciously or not. Maybe I can try a few on my husband and see if they still work! Instead of saying, “Hey, you wanna fool around?”
For the most part, my heroines aren’t shy either. I don’t write erotica, but I do have sex scenes in my books. It may take my heroines awhile to decide to do it — and sometimes it happens sooner. Sometimes they may be seduced. Sometimes they’re the seducer. But once they’re in it, they’re in all the way. 
What about your heroines? Are they the seduced or the seducer? Do they send out signals or do they go after their man?
Edie Ramer
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:33 am
Learn something new every day!
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:37 am
Karin, my husband isn’t a reader, but even he was reading the book!
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:41 am
Edie, I’m going to have to let only my characters have fun with your list of body signals, because at my age if I followed the list I’d either maim myself or make someone barf.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:02 am
Hi, Edie! Thanks so much for guest posting with us today. And what a great post!!! Good luck in the contest!
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:26 am
Kath, so funny! You never know. Some guys like older women.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:27 am
Cindy, thank you for inviting me! I appreciate it so much.
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:22 am
Right now, I’m working on a character who goes after her man, especially when it comes to the sex. This is a first for me, so I’m having fun with it.
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:32 am
Thanks for the info, Edie.
Oooo, never realized what I might be sending positive signals to the wrong guy.:grin:
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 am
[...] adding to my original post. A lucky commenter to my guest blog on The Bradford Bunch will win Lauren Dane’s brand new book, [...]
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:44 am
Marcia, I like that. I bet you’re having fun that that scene.
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Hey Edie, it just ate my comment!
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:48 am
Sylvia, thanks for stopping by! We were watching a show last night and the acress did the “hair touch-exposing underarm gesture.” It’s fun to spot them now.
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
LaD, it ate mine up just a little while ago too!
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:51 am
Hey Edie, third time is a charm! Okay, what does it say about drinking from a long-neck bottle while peeling the wrapper?
As far as characters go, it all depends on what they bring to the table and how many secrets they hold. I love the discovery process as you know! And no matter what tack they take, strong characters need only apply!
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:01 am
What? Ack! Comments are getting eaten? I just double-checked the spam folder and they weren’t there. I’ll get Nick to take a look at the file when he gets back (about 10 minutes) to make sure I’m not missing anything.
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:04 am
Wow. Never realized I was sending out so many signals.
I’ll have to be careful in the future. Off to check out the RT contest.
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:13 am
Hello Edie!
Overall, I’m gonna have to say I enjoy a good book where the heroine is being seduced… though I do enjoy the heroine being the seducer as well
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:28 am
LaD, I love it when a character has secrets. I forgot to give my h/h in my wip signals. I’ll have to think about their secrets.
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:30 am
Cindy, it wasn’t really eaten for me. It said something about Java and wouldn’t accept my comment. That happened to me on another blog a couple weeks ago too when I kept it up for too long before trying to comment. Maybe that’s what triggered it.
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:31 am
Ashley, you could practice sending out signals and see if they work. That might be fun.
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:32 am
Danielle, I get it. You like seductions. Me too!
November 22nd, 2008 at 11:44 am
Hey Edie, holy crap woman, you are everywhere! You are like the energizer bunny of guest blogging. Rock on!
And I love this list. Very cool and interesting stuff.
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Love the tips, Edie. But you know, you don’t have to be subtle with men. A crooked finger will work just fine! LOL
Here’s one that works (trust me on this one)…Dip your finger in your wine glass, and suck the wine off your finger by dragging it through your lips. The men will come running!
I have to admit laughing at “exposing your arm pits to allow your pheromones to waft across the room.”
Good luck with RT! I’ve voted.
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Good stuff, Edie! I love learning this kind of stuff.
When do you find about about the next round????
November 22nd, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Wow. Edie. Sexy!
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:23 pm
LOL, love that list and congrats on the RT final!
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Zoe, I wish I was like the Energizer Bunny. I’d do more writing! I thought you’d love the list. For your books, of course.
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Arkansas Cyndi, so funny! It sounds like you’ve practiced those moves.
I can remember reading about a love letter Napoleon sent Josephine from a battle, telling her he’d be back soon. He wrote: “Don’t bathe.”
They thought a little differently about body odors in those days.
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Karin, we’ll be able to tell everyone when the next round goes on the website.
BTW, I bought MASTER OF TORMENT today at Liz’s booksigning! I’m so excited about it!
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Tammy, thanks! I love the list too. The whole book is good, but the list is what made me think I must buy it.
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Mary, thanks for stopping by! The list could be very sexy. Or if the woman goes through the list on purpose, it could be sexy and funny. It depends on the writer and her voice.
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
hahaha Edie, yes . . . of course.
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:32 pm
The things I learn by coming here every day!
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Wow…and to think I was wasting all that time actually washing….Next you’ll tell me that men LIKE bristly legs….oh please, tell me that they do…and ratty toenails….
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Edie, what do you mean “older women?” (she asks while she listens to Simon and Garfunkle sing “Here’s to you Mrs. Robinson…”
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Zoe, that’s what I thought.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Susan, I’m glad if you learned anything. Body language is a fascinating subject. The authors say that just one gesture might not mean anything. Better to look for three tells. Sometimes we toss our hair back because it fell over our eyes and we can’t see.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Cynthia, it doesn’t say anything about bristly legs. I know my husband likes them smooth. Darn it. I won’t even ask him about ratty toenails. He’ll give me his “are you nuts?” look.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Kath, I just assumed you were going after a younger guy. A pool boy with a Hugh Jackman body. But I’m guessing they’ll work on an older one too.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:46 pm
OMG, Hugh Jackman is just… *swoon* *drool* *inappropriate thoughts*
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Ooh, Undercover! Unfortunately it hasn’t (that I know of) sold UK/Commonwealth rights yet, so I might be difficult to find here in Oz…
Have a lovely day!
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Zoe, me too! I plan on seeing “Australia” next weekend, with Hugh and Nicole Kidman. I think my husband will like it too.
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Tez, it would be great if you won and it was mailed to you.
I’m still waiting (impatiently) for Amazon to mail me Cynthia Eden’s MIDNIGHT SINS. I love her writing!
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Hi Edie~
What an interesting post…it is quite eye opening when you think of what all these relatively simple gestures are indicating.
Thanks for sharing.
November 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Lori, they are simple but so natural. I stopped reading the body language book to read a fiction book — I can pick up and put down the body language book — but I’ll be interested to see what they say about men’s courtship signs.
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:33 pm
very interesting post and your books sounds good. Read about it on sylvia day’s blog.
November 23rd, 2008 at 12:53 am
This list cracked me up–love all the “drawing his eyes to what a great piece of child-bearing meat I’d be” movements. At least now I know all the hair flicked in my face during high school had a purpose, even if it wasn’t for *my* benefit.
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:04 am
Pam, thanks! It’s great fun to do all these blogs.
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:07 am
Catie, I thought that was funny too. Even the shoe was funny. And did you notice that in any of the 13 gestures women didn’t draw the man’s attention to their breasts? I just realizedthought of it now. Very interesting.
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:52 am
Edie, I’m having a bit of trouble leaving a comment. Let’s see if this goes through.
I love list! I don’t think I’ve seen the signals set out and explained like this, but it makes sense. And now, of course, I need to buy the book.
I’m so thrilled that you’re an American Title finalist, and I wish you and all the finalists the best in the contest and beyond! (Yes, I am sure you’ll all have writing careers!)
Light,
Nancy Haddock
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:05 am
Cindy, glad your comment made it through. Thanks for your support. And for the others! I’ll tell them what you said.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Edie! Lookitchu! Everywhere I go (usually a day late *le sigh*) there you are! A Blogasphere star is born!
Very cool post.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Lainey, too funny. This is it for guest blogging, at least for a couple weeks. It’s been fun but hectic.
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I saw that series! It was quite interesting. Reading over the list of women’s body language I wonder if this is something natural that we do, or something we learn as we age or learn as we watch others? I only wonder because I don’t remember doing many of these at all! *G*
November 23rd, 2008 at 5:44 pm
How interesting, Edie! What a fun list–I’m laughing about the handbag being an extension of ourselves… Hmmm… love my Coach, love me? Or these days, love my diaper bag?
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Brandy, apparently it’s what we do naturally. It would be fun to go in a bar on a Saturday night and see how many women use the signals.
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Fedora, you might get less takers with the diaper bag — especially if it there’s something smelly inside it.
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Hi Edie,
I love the tips..It made me smile because
so many women do these without even thinking
about it..I wonder if men have any similar
“gestures”
November 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Eshani, I’m hoping to find it out when I read further. I set the book down temporarily to read books by a couple friends, but will go back to it soon!
November 24th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Thanks so much!!
November 24th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Congratulations, Lori! UNDERCOVER sounds fabulous.
Thanks again for having me, Cindy! You Bradford ladies are great!
November 25th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Haha…that was a fun read Edie! So nice to meet you and see you here!
November 25th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Juliana, nice to meet you too.