An epiphany came to me while reading a fascinating book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. I highly recommend this book to everyone. I read this book about two years ago and spent significant time highlighting passages that I resonated with in particular. During that time I recognized I had bought into the general mindset of a large portion of the American population. The one that is generated entirely by soaking our heads in the “bad” things that happen. A saturation in media generated pessimissm. I’m not talking about enjoying our favorite sitcom, our favorite weekly drama, or in my case the month long horror fest I enjoy during my October Halloween enjoyment (yeah, I love Halloween). Those things are fantasy. They’re for fun. What I mean is that obsessive overindulgence in watching the news and hearing about all the woes that we now have instant access to twenty-four hours a day. In Gavin DeBecker’s book he says he pretty much stopped watching the news all together. This is not a guy hiding his head in the sand. He’s a security expert. He knows what goes on out there. What he’d noticed, though, is that if you listen to the news every day, take in the mayhem that is brought to your attention in a constant stream of disaster, that you’ll find yourself more fearful than ever. Every day you can hear how this hurricane destroyed this country, this tsunami destroyed this part of the world, this man went into this place and shot all these people…you name it, all the evils and all of Mother Natures awesome and sometimes terrible strength is right there. Some people even go so far as to believe we can control the weather completely…I mean, if Mother Nature gives us the cosmic wedgie of the universe, it isn’t because Mother Nature does what she wants. We’ve got to find someone to blame for what Mother Nature did. (No, I’m not downplaying Global Warming.) Heck, every day on just about every news morning show you can hear a new “Health Alert.” Or you can read your favorite magazine and learn the “ten new ways you could die of this dreaded disease.”
Gavin jokes in his book that he’s surprised the media doesn’t say each morning, “good morning, we’re surprised you woke up alive.” That isn’t exactly what he said in the book, but he did say something similar.
Good news doesn’t sell. Bad news does. Unfortunately, people buy into the bad news scenerio. Watching reality television seems to plug into that base part of us that says it is a great thing to watch other people screw up, fail, and make a fool of themselves. I’m not saying people have to be Pollyannas and shouldn’t watch what they want. They should watch whatever blows their skirt up. I know I love my Supernatural, my Jericho, my…well, I’ve got quite a few shows I enjoy. That’s why have TiVo.
The more I thought about this concept of fear, the more I realized that not only had I run my life on fear and being extraordinarily cautious for a good chunk of my years, but when I watched the news I became crankier, more discouraged, more likely to think the world had become a far worse place than it actually is.
Another great book to read is Malicious Intent by Sean Mactire. It’s a Writer’s Digest book. It’s fantastic for romantic suspense authors because it gives an excellent perspective on true crime and clears up some modern misconceptions about crime. Case in point, the myth that serial killers are a new invention or that women in the past were so much safer than modern women are. Excellent book even for people who aren’t writing suspense.
Have you ever noticed, though, that being overworked, overstressed, and overdone is a badge of honor these days? If you say to someone that you have a good life and you’re not particularly stressed, they quickly want to tell you how horrible their life is and think you must be lying about your life. They sneer and say, “well, aren’t you lucky.” ☺ Because being stressed is in vogue. Learning how to “de-stress” but not actually doing the work to get that way is not in vogue. Having that cell phone plugged into your ear, instant access to everything and everyone having instant access to you is in vogue, too. My cell phone is pretty much for emergencies. After that, if you wanna get a hold of me you have to email me or leave a message on my regular phone or you might get a hold of me if the timing is right and I pick decide to grab the phone. ☺
Another book I highly recommend to “open your mind” is Embracing Fear: How to Turn What Scares Us Into Our Greatest Gift by Thom Rutledge (Gavin De Becker gave a forward in this book, too). I think you’ll find both books eye opening and valuable in more than one way. Check ‘em out!
Once a friend asked me how I could write scary books full of action, adventure, horror, and serial killers. Um, yeah, I do have a few serial killers wandering around in some of my books. One of my new projects is going to feature some pretty nasty people (but it will feature a great heroine and a super sexy hero, by golly). I thought about what my friend asked, because no one had ever asked me that before. I discovered I want to show that bad things can and do happen, but that people can survive, they can live through it, they can grow and learn things about themselves and maybe even become better people because of these misadventures. I want to show my happily ever after in a way that makes the reader feel, in the end, a satisfying sigh. A feeling that good things do happen and happily ever after can happen. Do I believe good things happen and that happily every is possible? Absolutely I do.
Now, close your eyes and imagine you wake up tomorrow and turn on the news. A newscaster says, “Today a whole class full of teenagers decided they’d start a project to help the elderly, and this is the fantastic thing they’ve decided to do….”
Have you found that sometimes you buy into fear that you don’t need to? Tell me about it. I’ll pick a winner from the posts and announce the winner in my blog next Wednesday. Prize to be announced. 
Denise A. Agnew
